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**
Needless to stay, the remaining half of the football game was cancelled, the crowd promised a refund for their tickets or to another game of their choosing. I told Lois she could keep my ticket because after that night’s disaster, my interest in reliving the experience dwindled.
Lana, Lois and I followed the stream of people outside stadium; the evacuation somewhat less chaotic now that the lights were turned on. There were rows of ambulances, fire trucks and squad cars barricading the streets. Word had got out that a massive stampede was on the brink and all the Metropolis’ first responders were out at the scene. As fast as the city’s first responders were, they were a little late. The situation was under control, and the public no longer in danger. In fact they were happy, cheery, smiling and in glee. The Metropolis Sharks were marked down for an opening game win, making it a fifth season in a row. Everyone loved football, except for me.
Even Lana and Lois seemed to be in better moods. On the way to the car I heard all about their exciting night once the lights turned out, how Lana saved Lois’ life with her judo she’d learned from a certain billionaire when Lois became trampled by a crowd of looters. I had to admit, the story was impressive, sounding as if Lana and Lois reenacted a scene from Charlie’s Angels.
My cousin made a joke that I could be the third Angel, and I tried to smile, but I kept looking up into the sky where I anticipated Clark to return to me. He didn’t, so I looked back down at my feet as I walked to the car in silence, Lois and Lana laughing together all the way.
Lois seemed to appreciate Lana in a new light now as they both shared tips on fighting stances, slinging her arm around the smaller brunette’s small shoulders like she did with her other arm around mine. We reached my car and when Clark still hadn’t shown up, I felt my eyes betraying me, filling up with moisture. Finally, Lana asked where Clark had disappeared to.
I couldn’t tell Lana about the Kryptonian supercomputer Milton Fine. I couldn’t tell Lana that Clark had taken off with the Kryptonian supercomputer Milton Fine . And I couldn’t tell Lana that I feared that there was a chance that Clark might not ever return and that it was killing me being the only one who knew this.
So I told Lana the only thing I could tell her. Clark had ran to Metropolis General Hospital to check on his dad and mom after the black out. That seemed to make sense, and Lana seemed to soak it in.
I was too upset to drive all the way back to Smallville, so I suggested Lois drive us, while I leaned back in my seat, telling everyone I was just tired, instead of terrified.
The drive home was long, and I kept my face turned towards my window, hoping neither my cousin nor Lana would notice the quiet streaks that ruined what was left of my makeup. The chatter in the car subsided and I felt Lana tap my shoulder. I wiped my eyes and turned around to find her smiling.
“Despite the circumstances,” she giggled like I hadn’t seen her do since high school, “I had a really good time hanging out with you guys.”
I smiled; glad to see night wasn’t a total disaster.
Lana blinked at me from the back seat, studying me until she leaned forward again. What she whispered in my ear surprised me, and I sat there mystified.
I looked back at her until I felt her mysterious smile influence a small one of my own. I thought I recognized my friend from a long time ago, Lana's face pure and unworried, the years wound back to a time that I had forgotten about. She kissed my temple before lying down in the back to nap the rest of the ride.
What Lana meant, I didn’t understand. And I couldn’t think straight otherwise. I kept checking my phone for text messages, voicemails, anything from Clark. There were several voicemails from Mr. and Mrs. Kent, asking why Clark hadn’t returned their phone calls, if everything was alright. The last voicemail was peculiar, Martha saying something about seeing us on the news. But I skipped through it, only to find no other messages from Clark. All I could think about was Clark. Where he was, if he was hurt, if he was coming back, where I should look for him?
And through all of these questions, Lana’s voice kept prodding through my mind, her words repeating over and over again as if she already knew the answer to all my restless thoughts.
“When you see Clark, tell him, he was right.”
**
After Lois and I dropped Lana off at her apartment over the Talon, we were both too tired to carry on any conversation passed the occasional comment about the game.
I kept hearing Lana’s words over and over, deciding that they were the first thing I was going to question Clark about, right after I made sure my best friend was alright. I anticipating one of Clark's trademark bear hugs when I met him in his loft above the barn. I was sure he had to be there by now; he always returned there after nights like the one that night.
Lois finally pulled into the dirt drive of the farm, and retired to the yellow house where I guessed she collapsed on the couch instead of her bed in Clark’s old room.
I made my way to the barn, speed walking as I did. Shelby trotted towards me, his tail wagging happily and I smiled, knowing that Clark had to be close. I finished patting Shelby’s red coat, walking a little easier now that I was reassured by his easy going smile.
As I walked, I thought about all the times I had ventured into that barn, from the very first day Clark had taken me under his wing, to the most recent weeks when I felt like I had taken Clark under mine. He was my closest friend, and I cared for him. I loved him. I wasn’t sure if I would ever get the chance to tell him that, and for some reason, it didn’t exactly matter. Every happy moment in my life was entwined with memories of Clark. Just stepping in that old barn made me at ease, years of memories filling me when I smelled the hay and aged wood, the distinct scent of Clark that I’d grown attached to.
I was smiling, an entire monologue prepared with just enough snark and wit to calm down the tension from the long night. I was ready to swing my arms around my best friend and just, breathe. I couldn’t wait to see Clark resting on the red couch, waiting for me with his grin wider than mine.
But as I rounded the last turn of the stairway, my heart fell when I didn’t find him there.
“When you see Clark, tell him, he was right.”
When I saw Clark?
Where was Clark?
I asked Lana’s haunting words, and spun around on the squeaking wooden boards. There was no sign of Clark anywhere, so I sat down on the lonely red couch, and waited. I heard Shelby tromp his way up the steps, and I called him over to my arms, and hugged him in place of his owner.
I looked into his dark brown eyes, hoping that maybe the dog would have answers. Clark did say Shelby was more intelligent than others. He touched my nose with his cold, wet one and I smiled, planting a kiss above his snout.
As if on cue, Shelby reared up and trotted down the stairs, barking for me to follow.
I followed him to the stack of tools lying on Mr. Kent’s work table and Shelby barked repeatedly until I opened the bright red box where I found the lead container that Clark used to stow away…
Of course!
My spirits lifted and I hugged Shelby a thousand times before I finally let go, and dug the octagonal key from Clark’s lead box. I ran as fast as I could to my car, Shelby running after me, barking excitedly. I was on my way to the caves, perhaps Clark was there and if not, I could use the key to jump to the Arctic, the only other place I thought Clark might be.
It was only when I felt the key slip from my fingers that I stopped to pick it up but found it rolling away from me and into the tall grass.
“Sh*t!” I cursed as I fumbled after it. As soon as I got close it pulled away again, and again, an invisible force leading me further into the Kent’s back forty.
I was alone now in the tall field and grass, and I could feel the strangest sensation like I was being pulled further and further in like a fish on a line.
I didn’t fight it, finding the key the only chance I could ever find Clark. I kept sweeping away the long blades of grass that grew past my head until I found a clearing. The octagonal key reflected in the moonlight, and I bent to pick it up before it could escape again.
I held it in securely in both hands and turned to head back to the car where I heard Shelby barking still. But it wouldn’t budge. I tugged it closer to me, but it stayed, and the longer I held onto it, the further it pulled me.
But I didn’t let go. I needed it. I needed Clark.
The small disc dragged me farther and farther until I was sure I was lost in the grass and wouldn’t be able to find my way out until morning. I felt helpless and confused, frustrated and on the brink of a meltdown, holding on desperately to that stupid disc.
It tugged me again, the invisible force stronger than before, and my fingers slipped, and so did my feet, falling forward. I levered myself up from my knees, and dusted myself off until I heard movement from the grass. I froze when the grass spoke.
“Argh!!”
It was Clark’s voice. My heart smiled once I recognized the sweet sound of it, leaping forward. I heard him again, this time some uncharacteristic cussing from the farmboy.
“Clark!” I cried once I broke through another clearing. I saw him, his back towards me, his bare back.
“Chloe?” He sped around, his eyes large and blue. He raised his hands towards me, signaling for me to stop but I ignored them. “No, Chloe, stop. Don’t get any closer!”
I slowed, confused. “What? Why?” I scanned him, his dark tousled hair that stood on end, to his bare, thick chest that glistened in the moonlight to where his charred jeans slung low on his hips. “Clark, what happened?” My eyes wandered again over his skin, this time a little slower. “What happened to your shirt?”
He heaved a large sigh and raised his hand again, and I watched the octagonal disc jump up from the ground and into Clark’s hand. Now I was really confused. Did Clark develop another ability? Jedi powers?
“My shirt was burned off, I think.” His eyes smiled once they studied the disc in his hand. “Where did you find this?”
I stood there perplexed until his eyes found mine where they were still drinking in his awesome chest. “Huh? Oh,” I shook my head, recovering my thoughts. “Shelby showed me. When you weren’t at the barn I was worried and thought you might be at the caves, or up north.” I sighed in relief, instinctively taking a step closer towards him until he yelled for me to stop, again.
“Clark, what’s wrong—Why can’t I—“
“Chloe, watch.”
He lifted the metal disc and threw it, far, only to have it come back like a boomerang straight to his chest. And it stuck there, like a magnet. I didn’t know what was happening, and only stood there with what I imagined was a dumb look.
“I’m magnetized, Chlo.” He took out his keys from his back pocket and shook them from his hand, and they jingled, stuck on his skin.
I blinked, and nodded, understanding only partly. “So, you’re like this because?”
“When I took Milton Fine, I searched for the largest electrical surge I could find.” He shrugged, peeling the disc from his chest and sticking it in his jean pocket. “I was lucky and found a lighting storm off the coast.”
I smiled in awe. “You carried Fine into a lightning storm? Clark that’s…” I stopped, not having a word for it.
“I know. It was amazing Chloe, beautiful really.” He looked up to the dark blue void pensively, and I wondered if he wanted to return to it. I thought I should hold off on the observation that Clark had twenty cents in nickels stuck to his shoulder, I might've ruined the moment.
“Did you fly?” I asked before I had even thought it. It sounded stupid, but I really wanted to know.
Clark thought a moment and then turned to me, his expression mysterious. “I’m not sure. It felt like flying, but I’m not sure if it was me or Fine that was keeping us up in the air.”
Clark went on to explain to me that once they flew into the bright, brilliant light of the storm, the last thing he remembered was Fine being struck along with him, the surge of power overwhelming and sublime. Fine turned into pure light, and Clark, well Clark tumbled back to Earth, the electrical charge enough to affect the magnetic properties of his body.
“Do you think he’s gone?” I asked, wanting to move closer when I saw Clark's body tremble.
He made an uncertain gesture, and I felt the same way. I called Martha to let her know her son was alright, and not to rush home. To this, Martha laughed playfully into the phone, making some comment about how exciting the game must have been. I frowned, and played along oblivious to the joke and passed on to Clark that Jonathan’s tests were coming back good and they’d be back in the morning.
Clark relaxed a little at this, taking comfort that his parents were safe, that everyone was safe. We stood out there in the middle of the field, Clark too scared to go any nearer to the house or barn for fear of more metallic objects sticking onto him; and I too scared to leave him alone like that. We weren’t sure how long the magnetic effect would last, and Clark told me several times to go home, but I was stubborn and told him I would wait until morning when his parents got home.
So our conversation wandered over into the familiar realm, talking about what the disappearance of Milton Fine meant, and if Clark’s secret was safer now that he might be gone. Clark was concerned that since Fine could shape shift into anyone, the threat of being manipulated by Fine was far greater now than before. I didn’t have answers for him, only reassuring Clark that I’d be there for him to help him defeat Fine. That seemed to end the conversation, Clark resolving to mope into the distance.
A half hour turned into two hours, and I had sat down across from Clark where he laid down in the grass looking up.
“How was the rest of the game?” He finally said after a long moment of silence.
I looked up, “I think it was cancelled. They gave away tickets as a rain check. Lois was happy.”
He smiled through the moonlight and turned his head towards me. “Yeah, I could tell Lois enjoyed it. It’s a shame she didn’t come to more Crow games.”
I smiled wanly, remembering the days where Clark used to play the sport. “Do you miss it?”
“No.” He answered rather quickly, definite. “I’m glad those days are over. And I’m glad that I had a conscious that reminded me what was important, steering me in the right direction.” He smiled over to me, and I followed.
Way before Clark knew that I knew his about his abilities, I had pulled him to the side, throwing out the idea that he was meant for more important things than quarterbacking for a team of eleven. He was meant to lead a planet of billions. When he quit the football team and turned down his scholarship to Met U, I was proud of him. I knew how much it meant to him to belong.
“To be honest,” he said shyly, his eyes returning to the stars, “I sort of hate football.”
I gaffed. “What?”
He laughed, waving his palm over the shorter grass, watching its blades dance underneath, under the spell of his palm. “Yeah, believe it or not, I didn't have a lot of fun playing. I wasn't into the contact element of the sport since I was scared I would break some guy's ribs." He said reflectively, and then, more light heartedly added, "I’m more of a baseball kind of guy.”
I squinted, not believing this confession. “Then explain to me why it was so important to you during all those years?”
He looked guilty at first, but he smiled once he willed it off of his chest. “Cheerleaders.”
I couldn’t help the snort that escaped me, and I rolled my eyes until I thought they might pop out of my head. Even though my best friend was an alien, he was just like any other human male specimen.
I grabbed a handful of grass and dirt, and flung it at him, and laughed satisfied with my aim, seeing it land in his face and mouth. “I can’t believe you! I went to every game you played in, you dork!”
“Hey!” He wiped away the grass, but it stuck to him with his static electricity. “I thought you liked to watch the games, besides, there was the one time you joined the squad. You looked really cute in your cheerleader uniform—“
“I thought we agreed to never talk about that again!” I screamed, covering my face that turned red.
“But you were really cute and you were the only one cheering for me in the stands—“
“Ugh, Clark stop! I swear I’ll drive the tractor over here and you wont be able to go anywhere with out it plastered to your magnetized butt!”
His laughter died down, and I under covered my eyes to spy him looking at me in a funny way. “What?”
His mysterious eyes captured mine, and I never could decipher what he was thinking when he looked at me like that. “I couldn’t have gotten through tonight without you, Chloe.”
I smiled, and looked down at my fingers that unconsciously plucked at the grass beneath my legs. “Ditto, Clark.”
There were times when the air between me and Clark felt different. You could always feel it right after a weird, and dangerous night such as the one we had experienced, after we’d recovered from our adrenaline high and things and ideas were put back into perspective. We both cared for one another, and therefore any superfluous words to communicate the way I felt about my best friend were never said. Instead, Clark and I sat silently together, each one of us happy that the other was there with them to unwind. I would look up and find him watching me through that barrier he had built around himself. Clark was still afraid the magnetic charge would affect me and therefore only allowed a few yards between us. I could care less about his condition, my only wish that I could be beside him, to comfort him since I knew his mind was still up in the sky, where he feared Milton Fine would return. But the air was cool, and a wind fluttered by without the two of saying anything in between.
We stayed silent a few minutes before the dam within Clark broke.
“There’s so many times when I think what it would be like,” Clark said, distantly looking away from me, “without anyone who knew my secret. The way Jor-El wants me to be.” I knew now where he was staring off to. It was north, where the fortress was waiting for him.
I felt a little hurt by his words, but I knew better than to ever think Clark didn’t trust me with his secret. I knew what really bothered Clark was that he was afraid, and paranoid that one day those who knew his secret would get hurt, or disappear. Like our friend Pete. “Is that how you want things? Do you regret telling me?”
“No.” He quickly said again, his mind definite. “In fact, I’m relieved that you know.” He said, quieter to the stars.
I frowned, surprised at this. “Really?”
He surrendered a weak smile and moved his shoulders in a way that didn’t satisfy me as an answer. But I didn’t question him further, instead settling for the gentle lull of Clark’s chest as he breathed in the night air.
I felt far away from him, and it bothered me. I must have sighed loudly because Clark turned to me and smiled.
“Are you seriously going to wait out here all night with me?”
“Yes,” I said, seriously offended that he thought I wouldn’t have. “Of course I am. You think I would just leave you out here?”
He laughed a little and so I asked again, a little differently. “Would you leave me out here if it were me?”
“Chloe, I would never leave you out here. You know that.”
“Then how would it be any different?”
He sighed, “Alright fine. If you’re spending the night with me out here then I get to bring up the hot topic of the night."
Uh oh. I knew where Clark was going with that and I really didn’t want to talk about it, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to be hurt again.
“Ughh!” I sighed dramatically, flopping down against the grass. “Clark, can’t we just take a nap instead? I’m seriously tired.” I was. I was beyond exhausted.
“Chlo, I can still feel the buzzing through my body right now. I can’t shut my eyes, nor can I sleep right now.”
I perked my head up, and looked over at him. He looked godly, his muscles rippling with every breath that he drew in, his chest rising and falling. What I really wanted to do was lay next to him, with my head against him, rising and falling with him until it lulled me to sleep. “What does it feel like?” I thought about asking if I could run my fingers against his chest, but decided against it.
“It’s hard to describe,” Clark started, lifting his hand over his stomach, watching the invisible force repel it away from him once it drew too close. “But I feel alive, so alive, like I can feel everything around me. I can feel you from way over here.”
I swallowed, my eyes wider now. Eventually I let myself blink, unsure what to say to that.
“Are we ever going to talk about it?”
I shut my eyes, hoping he’d just let it go.
“The kiss, Chloe. Are we talking about it or not?”
I opened an eye, and tried to look innocent. “Oh,” I said, like I had truly forgotten that it had even happened. In a way, the kiss felt like a different night all together, with the metallic Kryptonian computer that tried to kill us and the entire long night afterward. It was difficult to believe that it all of the events had fit into one night.
Then again, I remembered how hard I tried to force the kiss out of my mind. It was silly, and juvenile to dwell on something so irrelevant. “What about it? We’ve kissed before. It’s no different from all the other times…”
“Exactly.” Clark said resolutely, sitting up, and frowning as he did. “It’s no different from all the other times we’ve kissed because you trivialize it.”
What? My mouth echoed my screaming in my mind. “What? I can’t believe you of all people would say that to me.” I sat up, angry as well. “Are you serious?” How could he tell me, that *I* was the person who acted like the tension between us didn’t exist.
“Chlo, when am I ever not serious?”
I looked up at him, and fought to look away, but I couldn’t. I remembered at the last football game of the Crow’s season, Clark and I had walked the field together, after the last time we kissed. And I had walked away, crying. “I don’t want to talk about it, Clark.”
“Why not?” He said, pouting.
“Because…” I threw up my hands, searching for any words that might save me from humiliation. But I couldn’t find any; my treacherous tongue could only find the truth.
Because, Clark. Every time I kiss you, you break my heart. Because every time I kiss you, it feels so close to perfect that when it’s over, I lose a part of myself to you.
“Because,” I started again, my lips felt dry all of a sudden while my eyes began to moisten, “Because I know we’re just friends Clark. And something that happens during a stupid game shouldn’t affect a relationship like ours.”
“Our relationship?”
I stared back at him. “Yes, our relationship.”
“Well ‘our relationship’ and whatever that means has gotten fuzzy over the years and I think we need to talk about it. We’re not the same Clark and Chloe from eight grade you know!” Clark leapt up, pacing around, the blades of grass following his static charged body. My eyes followed him around too.
“What?” I said, frustrated. Clark was with Lana and—oh, I had almost forgotten. “Look, Lana said something really weird to me tonight. What did you tell her? What were you guys fight about—“
“Lana and I split up.” Clark glanced at me, and then continued pacing. “Weeks ago.” He added in a huff.
“Weeks?” I gawked. “Why didn’t you tell me? You tell me everything!”
“I didn’t know how to tell you.” He shook his head, and then grabbed his hair and pulled. “I’ve been confused lately.”
“Confused about what? Clark!” I watched him pace back and forth and I could feel the magnetic power of him waxing and waning.
He stopped and turned to me, his eyes miserable and cloudy, “I thought I could be happy, you know? I thought Lana and I could be happy, but the truth was, I was miserable. It wasn’t anything that I wanted.”
I reeled my jaw in, and pinched myself. “You weren’t happy with Lana? Clark, you’ve loved Lana your entire life.”
“Who even knows what love is!” Clark guffed, pacing again. “I mean, I don’t know what love is, do you?” With this he turned to me with searching eyes.
I blinked, confused as to if he were asking me rhetorically or really asking me. Before I could answer, he swung around again, ranting on as he paced.
“I even knew what Lana and I were missing. We needed the friendship, the trust. I know it isn’t fair to Lana if she doesn’t know my secret…”
I watched as Clark carried on, bouncing back and forth, having an entire conversation with himself. I hadn’t seen Clark talk so much, or so fast, and for a moment I thought his abilities might have been jumping in between syllables.
“…and so we tried going back to being friends, just to see if we could have that same—the same,” he looked to me and then paced, “the same chemistry I have with other friends, but it didn’t work. Lana and I don’t have anything to talk about!”
I tried to keep up, but ended up far behind. So far I discerned that Clark and Lana had broken up, a while ago, and Clark was angry because the both of them couldn’t carry on a long enough conversation. I almost wanted to laugh but decided not to since Clark seemed really upset. “Clark, what did you want? For you and Lana to be best friends all of a sudden? That takes time—“
“It didn’t for us.”
I was set back a little. “Well, that’s different. We’re just—“
“Good together?”
I opened my mouth but no words came out. I didn’t want to agree or disagree with him, since I wasn’t sure what I was agreeing to. Although every fiber of my being agreed with him, whole heartedly.
“Lana and I talked about this,” Clark paced again, “about us.”
My eyes grew wider. Clark and Lana talked about Clark and me? Was I in some sort of reverse reality? And since when did Clark and Lana ever have heart to heart talks that included anyone but themselves?
“I tried to explain to her that I wanted her to be like you. But she isn't you. It was the only thing Lana and I could even talk about, Chloe. All I could talk about was you.”
I guffawed. “Clark, all you and I ever talk about is Lana! Now I know you really are confused.”
“Arggh! Chloe, please! This is exactly why I couldn’t talk to you about this!”
“Oh, I’m sorry! Forget I even brought it up! I told you I didn’t want to talk about any of this and yet, here we are, talking about it!” I jumped to my feet and stormed out from the clearing.
I heard Clark following me, his work boots heavier than my sandals. “Where are you going?”
“Home. I’m going home, Clark. I’m tired and cranky, and I have a feeling that if we talk about this anymore someone is going to get hurt.” And from experience, I knew it was going to be me.
“You said you would stay with me.” I heard him again, walking behind.
“Yeah well, that was before I thought we would talk about this.”
“Why can’t we talk about it?” This time I heard him in front of me, and I found him there a few paces ahead. I stopped, nearer to him now than I had been all night. He was beautiful and daunting the way he stood over me like a Greek god in the starlight. I felt very small next to him, and I could hardly believe that the man before me was the skinny, dorky kid I had lent my heart to.
The barn that waited over Clark's shoulder in the distance a reminder of where it all started.
That first kiss.
The way Clark looked at me scared the little girl inside of me. I still clung to the paling image that used to be the Clark, refusing to see what was real all this time. Was it Kal-El that stood over me then, with his clear, blue eyes? I vaguely recognized my best friend, seeing more fervor and passion in them than before.
Maybe Clark was right. We weren’t the same two kids that started a friendship six years ago. We were more than that. That night Clark’s eyes were conflicted, yet honest, and I knew what they struggled to suggest to me, I had noticed them that way before, only I’d often ignored it in the chance that I might have misinterpreted things. Maybe he wasn’t the only person who brushed things away.
“I want to talk about it, Chloe.”
“Clark, you don’t know what you want.” I tried to go around him, but he held his hand out, willing me to stop.
“I’ve always known. I just never let myself have it.”
I gulped, not daring to move any closer towards his hand, or his words. I could feel the magnetism pulling me closer, and I fought it the best I could, swaying back and forth as I stood.
“All my life I’ve had to hide my secret, protect who I was,” he moved closer, and then thought better of it, moving back into his place, “even from the people I cared about. It consumed my entire life. And I was miserable, and alone. I thought I’d have to live alone with my secret for the rest of my life until one day, all of that misery went away.”
Clark’s eyes were on me, and I felt dizzy from the intensity from them. He looked at me the same way when we were in the fortress, and I swore that it was the intensity of his gaze that kept me warm back then. But there, in the Kent's field, I felt just as weak as I did in the arctic, Clark's pent up confession knocking the wind right out of me. I tried my best not sway from side to side, but my legs were failing me and the way Clark’s solid chest moved with every frustrated breath kept me entranced.
“I never thought I could be truly happy. I never thought I could ever share my secret with anyone. I never thought,” he stopped, an ironic chuckle escaping him, “I never thought one person could be everything to me, that anyone could make as happy as you do.”
My breath escaped me, and my chest rose faster and faster as I started hyperventilating. “Clark, you’ve never wanted this, us! Every time! Every time I’ve ever kissed you—“ I stopped myself once the first tear escape from my composure, soon enough several more followed.
“First of all,” Clark continued and I had never heard him so calm and confident. “you can’t say I’ve never wanted this. I remember it clearly like yesterday when that blonde spunky girl said she wanted to ‘just be friends’.” He smiled, capturing my eyes. “Secondly, there was only one time that I told you I didn’t feel that way about you. And in that time, I lied.”
I knew we were both talking about the time that happened over a year ago on that stupid football field. That was last time I had cried in front of Clark.
I don’t feel the same way, Chloe. At least, not right now. The words had stung, and they stung now. I cried for days.
“Why would you lie to me?”
“The same reason why you lied to me that day after the spring formal.” He searched my eyes and when I blinked away a tear. I cried because I had regretted that lie for so many years.
“I was scared. I’ve had these feelings for you for a long time, Chlo. I just didn’t want to screw this up. You’re the only person I can talk to, I can turn to. I needed you, as a friend. And I knew that if I tried for anything else beyond that, I could lose you. I always thought my secret would come between us.”
“That never stopped you from going after Lana…”
“Because I knew that if I ever lost Lana, I wouldn’t have lost much. She’s not the girl I trust beside me, like tonight. You’re the only one who understands what’s going on with me, what’s going on out there.” Clark flicked his eyes to the north. “I need you. I’ve always needed you. You’re my best friend.”
I tried to speak, to say anything but I couldn’t get past the first few syllables. I ended up shaking me head, shutting my eyes, hoping Clark would just let me surrender into his chest and let me off the hook. But he didn’t. Instead he kept his distance, and I kept mine, even though I could feel the invisble force inevitably drawing us closer.
“And now that you know my secret, you’re the closest person to me, who knows me completely. You’re so close to being everything.” He whispered, breathless and so honest. “So it’s different when I feel these things for you, when I let myself go beyond what’s safe between us. And I know you feel the same way too, or you wouldn’t be running away from me when I bring up something so simple as a kiss."
I felt his barrier crumbling while mine felt flimsier than ever. He was right. I was scared, but I wasn’t running away, he wouldn’t let me anymore. And it wasn’t a big secret that I’d always had feelings for Clark, but maybe deep down I felt safer as the best friend and nothing else. I didn’t have to entrust on him for everything that way.
I thought of what I might say, but for once, I had no words. Clark had taken them straight from me and said everything I never had the courage to. I drew up a smile and looked at him sheepishly, feeling my playful banter coming back to me, “It’s funny how a stupid kiss makes you put things in perspective.”
He smiled. “Yeah.”
“Clark?” I looked up to him.
“Yeah? He looked down at me, expectantly.
“Can I come to you now?”
His eyes widened, unsure, and before he could protest, I stepped over to him only to find the magnetic pull even stronger than expected. My body snapped to his, the metal of our jean clasps connecting with a click.
We both laughed, finding ourselves entwined to the hip all the way to our chests. I looked up, my head only coming to his shoulder, and found my laughter subsiding once his warmth crept deeper into my chest. He peered down at me in that strange way that for so long could never decipher. But now, I knew.
“Chlo,” he whispered down into my hair as he tilted my face up to his, “I want you to be everything.”
It was so silent, the moment before he kissed me.
There wasn’t a stadium full of people, rooting or cheering us on. And there was no rush or flimsy excuse, a reason to cover it up. There were no last minute chaos, disaster or emergency that threatened the moment to end. Instead, there were only the whistles from the grass and the whisper of breath that escaped our lips. Clark kissed me over and over until I realized, it was just us out there. This kiss between us, and this time, we didn’t have to share it with a reason or a circumstance. It was just a moment between a boy and a girl, who had grown up as friends. It was like our first kiss, only, I didn’t want to be just friends anymore.
Slowly, Clark and I figured out that his magnetic properties had transferred onto me, both of us becoming inseparable, and both of us not finding one complaint in that.
That night Clark picked me up in his arms, my heart safe against his, and walked me deeper into the field under the stars where we had everything, for once, right.
*
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